Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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