just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
