Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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