I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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