he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
