I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
being pregnant is like rehab
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
