Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
