this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
