Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
