I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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