doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
