I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
