i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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