I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
