I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
