i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
