I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
