Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
