State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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