Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
