if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
