the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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