hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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