what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
