i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
