I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So much rum. So many feels.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
