there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
