Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
