My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
