I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The adults are the big ones right?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
