OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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