dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
