You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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