i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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