....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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