so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
