low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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