Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
a search helicopter?!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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