Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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