I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
