It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize