Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
