just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
