Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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