YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
