Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
