U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
