how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
