4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
