I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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