Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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