I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
