after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
