yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
false alarm. still invincible.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize