we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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