i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
