I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
