I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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