youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
