I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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