My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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