so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
