But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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