Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
