Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
