My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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