Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
is it fun? or sober?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
