i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
