I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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