you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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