i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
