She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
