Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
